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My Mother In Law Hates Me

Updated: Sep 18, 2019

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If your spouse’s mother has taken a disliking to you it can put a lot of pressure both on your relationship and on your partner’s relationship to their parents. Not to mention how confusing and hurtful it feels! The family tie means it’s not a simple case of just standing up for yourself or speaking your mind, so its easy to feel completely stuck with feelings of anger and resentment. However you can find a more peaceful attitude to the situation which will allow you to get on with the most important relationship, the one with your partner.

Everyone is human and fallible, and unfortunately, for whatever reason, your in-laws aren’t able to connect with you. And when that happens, it’s hard to not feel like it’s somehow your fault. You might spin in circles and worry yourself silly, trying to figure out what you might have done wrong.

You can’t keep trying to change or perform in a way that gets your in-laws’ blessing. Instead, strive to separate yourself from them with a “this is me, that’s them” attitude; you have your own life to live, and your own family to create with your spouse.

Even though it hurts right now, go on without their blessing. You can find peace and contentment in your marriage despite their attitude. There’s no magic formula to win their approval, so don’t try to find it.

It’s okay if you want to keep space in your life open for your in-laws. Be willing to include them if they want to be included. But don’t live in such a way that you’re actively trying to get them involved. Exude a sense of space, openness, and hospitality, but don’t focus, strive, or waste your time on something that probably isn’t going to happen.

Over time, it’s possible that things may change. Sometimes, in-laws come around when grandchildren are born. Other times, hearts soften with age. Unpredictable moments in life can be milestones.

Most importantly, remember that this problem is more about them than it is about you. Stay focused on your own marriage, and you can find happiness and lifelong love together.


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